"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you." - Christion Morgenstern
"There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them." -J.K. Rowling

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Adventures of the Fearsome Wenches Three

FYI: Some of this post is written in 'Pirate Speak.' I've complied a key for ya'll in case you have a hard time understanding.
Ship - car
Rum - root beer
"Land ho!" - "We're almost there!"
"Casting off!" - "We're leaving!"
Automatic Pillaging Card - debit card
Pillage - shop
Tortuga - Pirate Island
Commandeer - taken over
Port - land
Dock - park
Message in a bottle - text message/phone call
Hoist - duct tape
Captain's Academy - Omega Elite Team/black belt class
As our dedicated readers know, this family - more specifically me - has had to deal with pirates before. Some of them - Katie and Maddiline - actually are pirates. In their last adventure (see the post entitled The Worst bunch of Pirates you'll ever meet!) they stormed my room, quite effectively I might add, and effectively concerted me to their cause. Thus the Fearsome Wenches Three were born.
Naturally, there wasn't any question whether the three of us should go to the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides midnight premiere. We'd finally be able to be with our own kind On the morning of May 19th Maddie and Katie set sail from their home ports and docked their ships at my home port. We spent the next couple of hours getting ready in our piratey attire, making our hair all nice and ratted - filling it with glue (in Maddiline's case). We even set up a . . . well, there isn't a piratey way to say this . . . play list that had all of the best music that pirates like us should listen to.
Once we were ready to cast off, we all walked to my driveway to hoist the Jolly Roger over our ship. While doing so Maddiline was appointed our caption, Katie our navigator, and I the first mate. Once our ship was ready, we casted off and set our heading for Maddie's home port so she could get the rest of her clothes, and we went from there to pillage her old friends house for your basic pirate accessories - which were much needed for Katie especially, since she looked more like a mermaid. We acquired the needed accessories, and casted off for, well, Wal*Mart because no pirate voyage is really complete with out your basic store of rum. That was the trip on which we named our faithful ship - The Jolly Death.
While we were there, I received a message in a bottle from the port at Jimmy Johns. The governor of that port needed to remind me that we were scheduled to do business at three o'clock. Conveniently enough, Katie had to change our heading around that time to pick up the young scallywag, Zoey, from school. My crew docked at the port of Jimmy Johns long enough for me to separate from them, and they left for the young scallywag. Once my business was done, we casted off and set our heading for Tortuga, the most famous of all pirate haunts.
Surprisingly enough, the people there - at the PIRATE'S hide out - gave us some really strange looks for our attire as well. You would've thought that we would have been with our own kind in the PIRATE'S hide out, but you know, whatever. We thoroughly enjoyed the food and the waiter was able to split the order between Maddie and I's automatic pillaging cards and Katie's cash.
Once we were finished, we rushed our Captain back so that she wouldn't be late for her class at the Captain's Academy. Katie and I went our separate ways - and once Maddie's class was over we reconvened at my home port, and rested. Pirating is exhausting work.
We were finally able to set our heading for the theatre. We made port at the District, and our journey was finally coming to a close. We watched the adventures of our fellow Pirates, and casted off for home port for the last time.

Moments Like These

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