"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you." - Christion Morgenstern
"There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them." -J.K. Rowling

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Pagan Series: Part One

So, we all have this inside joke that Ryan has THE MOST diverse neighborhood in the world. If you don't believe us ask the hillbillies, the random cats, the bitter old man, and the pagans. They'll tell you all about it. This new series for the blog focuses on the last of these. . . cultures. The pagans. In all actuality, these guys are the reason you will never find any of us in line for the ice cream truck. Seriously, they scare us.
Their windows glow with an erie red light because they painted them - and though this is SUPER creepy, it really helps when trying to locate Ryan's house in the middle of the night; not that we do that often. . . Anyway - these windows are also decorated with pentagrams and a lot of other creepy symbols. The yard is overgrown, mangled and just down right creepy, often populated with the random cats group. We don't know where they came from they're just there. Which brings me to the first tale of these demented dweller's.
The Family was all gathered outside of Ryan's house - we'd just raced him home so that he would be on time for curfew (one of the few rules we can all say we've never broken, despite how close we may have come) - and we were all standing there saying our goodbyes for the night. Of course, being us, we ended up talking for another fifteen minutes or so. . . and I just happened to be the one facing the Pagan House. Despite the ominous glow that creeped up the street to our foots and the all around erie feeling I got looking at it - it was rather eye catching, so every now and then my eyes would chance a glance - praying that a darkened face wouldn't be found watching us. Because, pagan or not, that'd be WAY creepy.
We were getting closer to our departure and I glanced up at the accursed house one last time, only to step back in utter horror as I realized the lights had been terminated.
"Um, guys. . . " I said, voice shaking along with the rest of my body. "The Pagan's lights just went out."
Simultaneously, their faces paled and their eyes all flicked to the house. I knew they were all just as horrified about the situation as I was.
"You guys had better go," Ryan said, hurriedly, whispering so that the demons, that were no doubt crawling toward us, couldn't hear him.
We came together for a fast and completely terrified group hug - though Katie still managed to slip in the traditional group hug quote, 'Hi, I'm Ryan, and I'm straight,' before running and jumping into our respective house as Ryan bounded up to his front door.
Moments Like These

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Your Group IS A Social Norm. . .

One day Ryan came to one of our group meetings with some rather interesting news.
"Guys, I have to do a social norm project," he said.
Kaite and I's eyes light up immediately.
"Your group IS a social norm project," my mom muttered, and we all busted up.
"It has to be epic," he continued. "What're we going to do?"
"Well, it has to be on Thursday because I work every other day," I said.
"You WHORE," Tanner exclaimed. "That's the ONE day I can't."
"Sucks to be you," I said sticking my tongue out.
"We should do an epic break up scene in a store or something," Katie exclaimed.
"OH, that would be fun," I said. "Since Tanner can't be there, we'll have you and Ryan walk into the store holding hands all lovey-dovey and then I'll come around the corner and ask him what he's doing with another girl and then we'll have and epic screaming in each others faces session."
"YES!" Ryan agreed enthusiastically.
So on that rather crazy Thursday, The Family - minus Tanner - piled into Denton - the Car - and headed to the Meadow's in American Fork. We selected the Target as our first stage. As soon as Denton's - the Car - doors opened it was like we didn't knew each other exist - well for me, Katie and Ryan were playing up the whole couple thing so they were all over each other. I walked in separate from them pretending I was there to do some lonely grocery shopping.
I had to methodically follow them around - so that I could come into their conversation at the exactly right moment, but pretend I have no idea they were there. I heard Katie's voice from the other side of the shelf I was 'browsing:'
"So, I was looking at your phone and there were these messages on it from some girl. I think her name was Paige or something. . . she was saying she loved you and all of this stuff. What's going on with that?"
"It's nothing, Katie," replied Ryan, much too quickly - perfectly in character.
"Well, who is she?" retorted Katie. "If it really is nothing you should be able to tell me about her."
"Leave it alone, Katelyn," he said. "I'm serious."
Katie began to retort and I took that as my cue to make my entrance. I meandered around the corner as casually as possible and then gasped in surprise as I saw Ryan there.
"Ryan! Oh my gosh, what're you doing here, hon?!" I said, nice and loud. "I thought you said you had homework!"
Katie stalked forward, her smug smile across her face. Oh, this is going to be fun, I thought as she stuck her hand out for a 'friendly greeting.'
"And who are you?" she asked, in a voice like poisoned honey.
"I'm Paige," I said, letting my expression harden. "Who the heck are you?"
"Paige?!" she asked, rounding on Ryan. "The Paige from the texts?"
"Um. . ." mumbled Ryan.
"Oh well I'm Katie, Ryan's girlfriend," she practically screamed at me. Her expression just daring me to challenge her.
Mentally, I rubbed my hands together - the world was about to experience a legitimate fight between Katie and I - something that even Tanner and Ryan (until this point) had never seen.
"Last time I checked, Katie, he was mine," I said, in a very slow, ice cold tone. "Back off, blondie."
"I'm sorry," she retorted, stepping forward to get up in my grill, "but I've been dating him for six months now, I think hes mine."
"Um, since we've been dating for the past YEAR and A HALF, I'm pretty sure he is mine."
We both looked at him expectantly. Ryan's eyes shifted between us uneasily and I had to force myself to hold in a laugh. They finally settled on me.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"She's one of those girls in my fan club," he told me, alluding to the Family's inside joke.
"Oh!" I said, catching on. "One of the crazies, right?"
"Oh, and who is SHE?" Katie screamed. "One of those desperate girls that can't get a date? I remember you telling me about feeling bad for them."
I looked at him to see where he wanted this one to go. He avoided my gaze and I took that as a prod in the right direction.
"You felt bad for me?" I screamed at him. "And all this time I thought it was me helping you!"
His eyes widened in shock and I saw Katie hold back a laugh. I let my eyes scan the perimeter, trying to see the reactions we were getting, as he decided how to counter. I saw this rather large guy standing directly across from us in the isle with his cart staring at us open mouthed. While Katie continued screaming at Ryan, I glared at the poor man - his mouth snapped shut and he pushed his cart right around the corner and out of sight. I rolled my eyes as I saw his head peak back around the corner to keep watching.
"You have to choose," Katie was screaming at Ryan.
"Yeah," I joined in. "Me or her?"
"Uh. . ." said Ryan, shuffling his feet awkwardly.
Katie waited for a second and then leaned forward, brushing tears out of her eyes and SMACKed Ryan across the face before storming off. A little kid, who was white and couldn't have been more than six years old watched her leave nodding his head.
"DANG girl," he said, and I fought to control my face.
"Wait, Katie, no," Ryan mumbled.
He turned to look at me desperately.
"Good bye," I said coldly and stormed off after Katie.
"No. . . wait, Paige," he said, coming after us.
I ignored him completely and ran to catch up with Katie.
"So he's been two timing us then," I said to her.
"I guess so," she said. "What a loser."
"Yeah, well, we're better off with out him," I said, holding my hand out. "We kind of missed the proper introductions. I'm Paige."
She took my hand and the plotter's smile came out. "I'm Katie - I think we're going to be the best of friends."
We both laughed and walked out of the store - Ryan following us dejectedly. We kept up the act until we had closed Denton's - the Car - doors behind us.
"Why'd you have to smack me?!" Ryan instantly demanded.
"It just fit with the way things were going," Katie said with a shrug.
"You weren't saying much," I said in her defense.
"It was my first time," he defended. "I didn't know what to expect - you guys were tearing into each other."
Katie and I shared a special smile.
"I'll do better next time," he promised.
"Where too next?" I asked.
"Well, I've got to go into Ross, so let's find somewhere near there," Ryan instructed.
I pulled into the Ross parking lot, and we saw a decently occupied Best Buy right next door.
"Is Best Buy okay?" I asked.
Katie and Ryan nodded and we assumed our previous characters. We got into the store and I tried to discreetly stalk Katie and Ryan. Katie used the same starting line and I waited for the best time to intervene.
"Ryan! Oh my gosh! I thought you had homework tonight!" I exclaimed again.
Katie and I went through the same introduction but then this time Katie stormed off and to my character's utter disappointment Ryan followed. He chased Katie across the store, and I chased him. Little did I know, this other group of teenagers was following us around - apparently enthralled by our little drama. This particular break-up ended with Katie really whapping Ryan across the face and storming out as the greeter looked like he wanted to try to comfort Ryan. I just ignored him completely and walked out. Once we all made it out of the store, Katie was the first to speak.
"I really didn't mean to hit you that hard, Ryan, I swear!"
"That one really hurt!" he exclaimed, massaging his face.
We walked into the Ross and began to look for shirts for Ryan. After we'd been in the store for a when Katie busted up.
"Those teenagers that were following us in Best Buy are here," she said. "They came in and gave us some really confused looks."
Ryan and I both looked over our shoulders, and had to hide our laughter when we saw how true her words were. Ryan returned his focus to the rack of clothes in front of us. He pulled out a hanger and showed it to Katie and I.
"You know, I've always wanted one of these hobo jackets," he said.
"Try it on," I said.
"I think it'll look good on you," Katie said.
He forced it on and turned to look in the mirror. "I like it."
"It looks good on you," I agreed.
"Okay, well, I'm gonna get it," he said, pulling at the jacket to get it off. "Um . . . guys, it won't come off."
"Would you like me to help you take it off," Katie said, obviously not thinking about what she was saying.
I busted up, and laughed even harder when I saw the guy's faces from the next isle over. Katie just looked at me with an expression that said 'don't you dare say a word.' Ryan got out of the hobo jacket and ended up purchasing it along with another jacket.
"To Wal*Mart then?" I asked.
My friends nodded and mischievous smiles lit their faces. We dropped by Denton - the Car - so that Ryan wouldn't have to carry his purchases around Wal*Mart while having to deal with Katie and I at the same time. Once we departed from Denton's presence, it was, yet again, like we'd never met each other. I walked in by myself - intent on doing some serious grocery shopping, I guess - and Katie and Ryan were hand in hand strolling along - intent on spending some quality time together, I'm sure.
They weaved in and out of the isles so fast that I lost them. Deciding that it wouldn't be suspicious if I texted them, I pulled out my phone.
Um. . . where are you guys?
I sent the text and began wandering aimlessly. I don't even remember where they said they were, but I headed in that direction. I looked through the section - seemingly browsing for whatever was in that section - checking every isle for them. Finally, I turned the corner to see both of them, on the floor, laughing so hard that tears were creeping up on the corners of Katie's eyes. Playing my part, I shot them an extremely confused and degrading look - as, I'm sure, many other Wal*Mart shoppers were doing - and kept walking to the next isle. I strained my ears so I would know when they'd gathered themselves and continued on with their lives. As soon as they moved, I followed, an isle behind, waiting for my cue.
"So, Ryan. I was looking through your phone and I saw these messages from this girl . . I think her name was Paige. They said some really interesting things. What was that all about?"
Just as Ryan was saying, "It's nothing Katie," I came around the corner.
"Ryan?! Whoa, I thought you had homework tonight, what's going on?" I said all smiley and bouncy - until, that is, my eyes fell on his and Katie's intertwined hands.
Ryan noticed my change in attitude and quickly shook his hand out of Katie's. Katie looked seriously offended, stomped up and shoved her face into mine.
"Who are you?"
"Who am I?!" I spat in her face. "Who are you, holding hands with my guy?!"
"Your's?" she shouted back, throwing her head back as a cackle ripped from her lips. "He's mine. We've been dating for six months."
"Six months?" I asked, Ryan more than her. "What the heck is she talking about?"
"Nothing, Paige, nothing," Ryan said.
"Yes, something!" Katie cried.
"Well, I don't know how you could have been dating him for the past six months," I snapped. "We've been dating for just about a year and a half now."
"WHAT?!" Katie cried, rounding on Ryan.
I looked at Ryan expectantly. Ryan's eyes shifted in between us a couple of times before they rested on me.
"I can explain this, Paige," he said.
Katie looked like she was going to interject, but I cut her off.
"Oh, please do," I said rather coldly.
"Katie is just one of those girls," he said, his facial expression telling me that bad we had 'had this conversation before.'
"OH!" I said, faking comprehension. "One of the cheerleaders?"
Ryan nodded as Katie exploded.
"Oh, and she's that stupid girl you feel bad for?" Katie asked.
"Stupid?" I spat at her. "That's funny when all of you cheerleaders have an IQ of 50 - if you're lucky."
"Excuse me," she said. "I've maintained a four point oh for my entire junior high and high school career."
"You and I both know that that's only because you slept with the gym teacher," Ryan interjected, scathingly.
Katie and I both blinked in surprise - not daring to show any more of a reaction than that.
"How dare you!" Katie cried after a beat. "I did not!"
"I see what you mean," I said. "Definitely a cheerleader."
"Come on, Paige," he said, holding his hand out to me.
I took it, and he led me toward the front of the store - apologizing profusely for Katie's 'misbehavior.' Giving Katie every ounce of credit she deserved, she played her part extremely well. She ran after us, prying our hands apart and shoving hers in, saying, 'No, this isn't over,' again and again. Finally, Ryan threw her hand away.
"Katelyn, we're done," he said firmly - earning a super strange glance from a cashier.
He took my hand once again and we left the store together discussing the deranged girl that was following us out. We all fell into Denton - the Car - once again and Katie instantly rounded on Ryan.
"I slept with the gym teacher!?" she screamed. "I can't believe you actually said that!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Ryan said, laughing. "It just kinda popped out."
"Oh, you are so going to pay for that," Katie muttered darkly.
"Home now?" I asked, revving Denton - the Car's - engine.
"Yeah," said Ryan from the back seat since Katie was still grumbling to herself in the passenger's seat.
I chuckled as I pulled out of the parking lot.
"That was great you guys," I said, hitting the CD player so that our theme song - Old School by Headly - came on.
Katie smiled:
Moments Like These

How To Get Out Of A Ticket. . .

As it has been said many, many times before, I have a SERIOUSLY heavy lead foot. I like to go EXTREMELY fast and it is fun. Especially on the road that goes from my house up Suncrest - cause it isn't monitored by police. Once you get to the top, though, you'd better slow down because the cops like to sit up there and get you as you come up the mountain.
On this particular day, Kaite and I were headed to the Draper temple and taking the Suncrest road is our favorite way to get there. As usual, I was haulin' up the mountain and we didn't see a cop the entire time. Unfortunately for me, I forgot about the top of the mountain rule and kept going as fast as I did. Unfortunately for me, yet again, there was a cop, sitting there and waiting for his prey.
"Turn here," Katie ordered quickly, watching the cop in the review mirror.
I followed her orders unquestioningly - as always - and the cop followed us. I knew we were screwed.
"See, this is what's going to happen," I said to Katie. "He's going to wait until the road gets thicker and then he'll turn his lights on. We'll pull over and he'll ask us where we're going and how fast we think we were going."
"Wow. . " she said as the road got thicker and the cops lights flashed to life.
The cop got out of his car and walked up to my already rolled down window.
"How're you ladies doing today?" he asked.
"Just fine, thank you sir," I answered with what I hoped was a winning smile.
"Where are you headed?" he asked.
I shot a triumphant look at Katie and then looked at him straight in the eye and said in my sweetest tone, "Actually, sir, we're just headed to the Draper temple."
I have to say that that is the most SATISFYING thing I've ever said to a cop that just pulled me over. His face kind of fell and I saw a glimmer of hope at the end of the dark tunnel.
"Oh. . . well, do you know why I pulled you over?" he asked, hesitantly.
"Um . . . I was going a little fast," I said, playing up the innocent little girl act.
"Yeah, do you know what the speed limit is here?" he asked.
"Um . . . no," I answered.
"Well its fourty . . . Do you know how fast you were going?" he asked.
"I was kind of concentrating on the road," I said. "I didn't get to look at my speedometer much."
"Well, I clocked you at sixty-two," he said. "Do you think this is NASCAR or something? I saw you down on the mountain . . . I didn't know cars like this could corner like that."
I swear I could hear some admiration in his tone. If it had been almost ANYONE else I would have answered something along the lines of 'Yeah, well, I've got skills,' but somehow that didn't seem like the best option for the specific situation.
I settled for a humble look and a quiet, "Me neither."
"Okay, well, can I see your license and registration?" he asked.
"Yeah, give me just a second to get that out," I said, reaching up into my new glovebox - a ziploc bag that I'd stapled to my ceiling after the Off-Roading Experience Part 3. Katie busted up and the cop gave me a really weird look - I just shrugged and handed him my license, registration and proof of insurance. After a glance at the last two documents, he handed them back and I knew we were home free. He took my liscense back to his car - as they always do - to pull up my record and so on. I don't think he even did that though because if he had seen my record I don't think I would have gotten off so easily. . .
As soon as the door to his car closed Katie and I busted up and instantly started making fun of our prediciment.
"Actually we're on our way to the temple," she said, cracking up.
We just laughed and laughed until we saw him get out of his car again. Then we fought to regain our 'innocent' composure as he trudged back down to Denton - the Car. He handed me my license.
"Okay, I'm going to let you off this time," he said like a parent scolding their two year old who'd just decorated the walls with his favorite crayon. "You've really got to watch your speed though, okay?"
"Yes, sir," I said, nodding like the most obedient little girl on the planet.
He smiled and said, "Okay, have a nice day girls."
"Thank you, sir," Katie and I coursed.
Moments Like These

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Best advice ever!!!!

I love this so i felt like is should share it

Time Tested Beauty Tips:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

Haha even though it talks about women I think that it can also apply to men!



By Margaret Fishback Powers

One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene,
I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and
One to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
There was only one set of footprints.
I realized that this was at the lowest
And saddest times of my life.
This always bothered me
And I questioned the Lord
about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when i decided to follow You,
You would walk and talk with me all the way.
But i'm aware that during the most troublesome
Times of my life there is only one set of footprints.
I just don't understand why, when I need You most,
You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child,
I love you and will never leave you,
never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you say only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

This poem made me think of what all of you do for me :) you would be surprised how many of the footprints in my sand are yours