"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you." - Christion Morgenstern
"There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them." -J.K. Rowling

Friday, February 25, 2011

Dear Dear Doctor Edison. . .

This is Doctor Eddison, the perfectly delightful teddy bear whom asked me to the senior prom. I don't know exactly what happened to make this tragedy occur, but Eddie committed suicide between the hours of 7:15 and 8:30 P.M. on the evening of the sixteenth of February in the fine year of 2011 (yep only one more year for the rest of us, 2012 is just around the corner). All that I have left is this note:

"Dear Katie
By the time you read this I will have already killed myself. I'm sorry to put you through this kind of pain, but it's better this way. All my life I have carried the burden of [the note becomes blurred at this point from the tears] that made me realize that I had no real purpose in this life. I hope you will find peace in the fact that I am in a happier place now.
With all my love,

Eddison the Bear"

It is evident that something had been weighing heavy on the mind of Eddie, I wish I knew how I could have stopped this from occurring. Eddie, I know it is to late, but you will be missed.


Now for the true story!
Tanner hated Doctor Edison, who was kind enough to help ask me to prom. One night I was out of the house and Tanner was all alone with Eddie, he had the audacity to brutally murder Eddie while I was gone!!! When I came home there was from my bedroom ceiling was swinging my darling Edison! Naturally I screamed, and ran to let him down. There it is the truth, Tanner Cutler (the so called "Voice of Reason" I think not!) snuffed out the life of a perfectly wonderful bear.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Tanners Birthday:)


The Guys are so freaking stupid! They wouldn't let me get a real picture.

Paige and I :)

Raise Your Glass!

So, as a family, we have many time honoured traditions. Many of them were started by the stories catalogued here, but there is one that has yet to be discussed. Whenever we have something to celebrate, a huge event that comes along for our little family, we toast to the occasion with actual champagne flutes. There isn't actually champagne in them, we use apple bubbly as the acceptable 'Utah' substitute.
This past Monday, February 14 (a.k.a. Valentine's Day), was Tanner's 19th birthday! Added to the eventful weekend, our awesome family had a lot to celebrate, so, in preparation for the day's festivities I went and bought bubbly. We made some plans that ended up falling through, but we ended up meeting at the American Fork Zupa's - Home of the Seductive Fondue Fork - at 1:45. I got there first, carrying the bubbly in one of Katie's yearbook bags that I'd stolen ages ago. The bottles were clinking together, gaining me some suspicious glances from your everyday Mormon passerby. Ignoring their awkward stares, I began to stalk people for their booths (kind of another tradition).
Finally, a booth opened up and I occupied it - watching the door for the rest of my family members. Ryan, champagne flutes in hand, arrived first, then Tanner, and then Katie. We got up to order our food, and then wound up back in the booth - laughing and talking like the four of us end up doing all too often. About halfway through our meal, I glanced around the store and, when I saw that the manager was occupied, pulled out the two bottles of bubbly - apple and grape flavored. Next came the flutes, one by one out of their box, followed quickly by the bottle opener. I used the bottle opener for its intended purpose, and poured the drinks as if we did this - in a public restaurant - every day.
"To Tanner," Katie, Ryan, and I coursed, and we, all four of us clinked glasses - just like in the movies.
This rather loud encounter caught the attention of the manager, who decided to come over and investigate as I refilled the glasses.
"Wow, I've never seen this before," he said, standing, amused, over our table.
"It's kind of a tradition," I explained as I poured the first glass of grape flavored - red colored - bubbly.
"Woah, you've even got the red stuff," the manager said, earning us some concerned glances from the booth next to us. "It's not real is it?"
"Dude," Ryan said, "I'm underage."
We all laughed, including the manager.
"This is honestly one of the strangest things I've ever seen," the manager said.
"Oh, you have no idea," Katie muttered.
Tanner's face fell into his palm (that's sign for "THANK you, Katie."
"If you provide your own cup you're more than welcome to some," I said.
"I'm good," he replied smiling, "I've gotta get back behind the counter."
"Okay, well, have fun," I said.
He walked back, and we toasted, laughing, to the experience we'd just had - and the promise of more in the future.
Moments Like These

Monday, February 14, 2011

To my "supportive" friends:

From reading over our blog, the most recent post in particular (which I deny that EVER! happening), I'm beginning to realize that everything on this blog that contains me is all really rather embarrassing! Refer to the "Top 10 Quotes" list numbers 1, 5, & 6; and pretty much every story in which I am mentioned. So I think I am going to shed some light on the situations, for one if I were to EVER admit that Dirty Little Freaks EVER happened, it would have been mentioned that I had been extremely sick the entire week and unable to eat, which is why I hadn't had any food in three days. That is IF it would EVER had happen, which I do NOT endorse those claims. ALSO, IF that would have happened, it should be mentioned that delectable iced cream had 2500 calories!!!!! I don't care that if that were to happen and I hadn't eaten in three days, that is a ridiculously large number! It should also be known that if that were to happen I'm sure that Tanner and Paige would be absolutely ridiculing to the point of nearly tempting me to stop eating all together!

signed lovingly,
The Plotter.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Dirty Little Freaks . . .

So, today is Lehi's Sweethearts, and since Ryan has a crazed fan club of girls following him around, he got asked. (For the record, Paige Anthony - his date - is not a member of said crazed fan club. We all actually like her and thank her for asking Ryan before one of the crazies did. Ali, if you ever end up reading this, we don't think you're a crazy either - the crazies just have to be acknowledged.) This meant that Katie, Tanner, and I were Ryan-less, which, yet again, means we're not to have any kind of comic relief, right? W - R - O - N - G!!!!
Katie had to run up to University Mall - home of Game People Play, provider of the Killer Bunnies - and get chocolates for a Valentine's date that will be discussed no longer. Anyway, we procured the chocolates and Katie suggested her downfall.
"We should all split a large Coldstone."
I had no money, but liked the idea.
"I like that idea, but I have no money," was my apt reply.
"Okay," said Tanner, happy to have something to do.
"I'll get a large and you can share with me," Katie said to me.
"Okay," I said.
I began to lead the way, and only five steps later Katie had a small(ish) panic attack.
"Never mind, lets not, its way too many calories," she said.
Tanner and I shared look, and I began hatching my own maniacal plan.
"Come on, Kate," I said, "you haven't eaten anything in three days. This is not the time to start counting calories."
"Just because I haven't eaten anything in three days," Katie started, "doesn't mean I should eat a two million calorie ice cream."
"Um, yeah, it does," she replied and then followed it with something medically based.
"No matter what kind of calorie it is, you have some room for fun," I said. "You haven't eaten anything in three days."
"I had a burrito," she said. "That makes up for everything I missed."
"It SO does not," I said.
I continued on to the ice cream shop and Katie started to walk the other way. Tanner grabbed her shoulders and turned her around.
"We're not going," Katie said.
"Yeah, we are," I said walking into the store.
As usual, the store smelled FANTASTIC - and to go along with the divine smells, there were these banners hanging from the ceiling advertising this new Coldstone special: ice cream ON a brownie. These people are GENIUS, believe you me. I turned to Katie and pointed.
"You should get that."
"Does the word 'calorie' mean anything to you?" she asked.
"Sounds like a seven letter word to me," I said, seeing that she wouldn't be convinced.
I turned to Tanner and pointed without words.
"But that one has chocolate," he said.
"That one's got chocolate AND carmel," I said pointing again.
"Ooooooooo," Tanner said as Katie walked up to the counter and ordered.
As soon as there was another employee available, Tanner and I stepped up so he could order and I heard Katie dig her self deeper into the hole of mockery Tanner and I had already stared burying her in.
"Do you know how many calories are in that?" she asked her helper as she pointed to her LARGE serving of ice cream that he was mixing.
He said something I couldn't hear and Katie went white.
"That isn't usually a question you ask in one of these kind of shops," I reminded her politely.
She glared and followed the employee to the cash register. He handed her the bowl, which, conveniently enough for me, had two spoons in it, and rang her up. I turned around and Tanner was receiving his brownie special, which also happened to have two spoons in it.
Life is good for the middle man, let me tell you.
We walked back to the parking lot as we ate, and I decided to implement the second stage of my maniacal plan.
"Kate, I can't believe you're eating that," I said, smiling devilishly. "Think of the calorie count per SPOONFUL."
Her shoulders sagged and sprang back up - a quick little re bounder our Plotter is - and, thankfully, Tanner caught on.
"Oh yeah, you are gonna get so fat eating that," he said.
She glared at me until I took the bowl from her and ate a couple of bites. Somehow, she ended up holding it again, so the mockery continued.
"How many calories have you eaten today?" Tanner asked, sarcastic concern dripping off of every syllable.
"How many did the guy say was in that thing?" I asked. "You probably passed your limit about ten spoonfuls ago."
I would like to take this opportunity to point out the fact that this entire conversation was COMPLETELY sarcastic . . . from Tanner and I's end.
Katie glared over the top of my mom's car, and I laughed and got in. As soon as she was in, she forced me to take the bowl. Mission complete - the ice cream was mine. I turned on the car and P!nk's So What? resumed blasting through the speakers, and the idea hit me.
"Tanner, play Raise Your Glass next," I said as we pulled out of the parking lot.
The beginning came and went and then we came to the chorus:
So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways.
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass.
I made eye contact with Tanner in the review mirror and lifted my ice cream, as if to toast him.
"That's us Tanner," I said. "The dirty little freaks."
He reached forward and high-fived me as Katie rolled her eyes.
"You guys are horrible," she muttered.
Moments Like These

To The Canadian

To the Canadian who has viewed this blog 17 times, I thank you.

Tanner- The Voice of Reason

Monday, February 7, 2011

What Happens When Paige Is In A Car. . .

Today, I had to go shopping because our family has great cause to celebrate, and it's almost Valentine's Day (Tanner's birthday). Anyway, Katie was working at her new job at Costa Vida - the Mexican burrito - and Tanner couldn't come because I was going to get his birthday present and that would just ruin the surprise. . .duh. Obviously, Ryan was my choice companion for this excursion.
The weather today was BEAUTIFUL!! It was snowing so hard you couldn't see the road from the front door of your house. The wind was seriously hurricane force, whipping the weightless snowflakes in every which direction - creating some of the most beautiful images. SO SUE ME, I like the snow, okay? The only problem is that my poor little Denton - the Car - would have been blown off the road. So I talked my mom into letting me borrow my dad's SUV. It's big, powerful, and has a most excellent sound system.
The only downside to this car is that my dad self designed it, so it's got ever accessory known to man - except the alcohol fridge. Every accessory is operated by a button - so the dashboard is about as wide as Denton - the Car - and I can honestly tell you I only know what about half of them do. Ryan, being much much more knowledgeable about cars than I am - not that THAT'S hard - loves it. On our way to Wal*Mart, he started pushing buttons and trying to figure out what it did.
Well, he decided to press this button that sent a resounding beep throughout the car. Okay, so it probably wasn't all that loud, but when the unexpected beep - usually the sign that something is wrong with the car - rang through the car, I freaked out. Of course, Ryan knows that - even if we are in my DAD'S car - nothing is wrong, so he found my reaction rather funny. His characteristic laugh ripped through his lips, as I sat in the drivers seat hyperventilating.
"HAHA, don't worry, Paige," he said. "I just turned off the stability."
Oh. That makes sense. . . NOT.
"Ry, we are in my dad's car," I said.
He just laughed harder and hit the same button again. My reaction must have been hilarious though because a minute or two later he pushes the button again, getting the same reaction.
This post just goes to show that even if we know all of the ways we know to 'push each other's buttons,' we can still be the amazing friends that we are.
Moments Like These

Thursday, February 3, 2011

We were strangers, starting out on a journey. . .

As you have all seen, our family has had a lot of really crazy adventures. We've had our ups and downs, and we've all become new people because of them. No one will deny it. I was thinking about this the other day and realized - our very first adventure never made it up here.
We were all strangers - I'd known Tanner for at least a decade, Katie for a good three years. Katie had made this new friend at the Megaplex - The Workplace. His name, she'd told me, was Ryan Ditty. What an odd name, right? No offense, Ry, but it was true at the time.
Katie had wanted to go and get manicures and pedicures for the longest time, so naturally, I got dragged into it - and since Katie and Tanner had just recently become friends, I invited Tanner. Katie thought it'd be great to invite this new Ryan kid - she thought we'd get along for some strange reason. Thank heaven I went along with it.
So, we all ended up at the beauty school at the MATC building. Yes, our two amazing boys came with us. We were introduced to the amazing - in the nicest way possible - airheaded students of beauty. As we got our fingernails filed down we were treated to the most entertaining stories of how they all met, where we work, and their horror stories of car crashes.
I'll only relay the basics of the car crash stories because they were pretty classic. They're beauty school students, so they work on people, right? Question for the general public - a.k.a. those who read this blog - what do they practice on? That's right, manakin pieces. Pieces here meaining, fingers, toes, and heads. Now what happens when your car is contantly loaded with these human body parts, and you happen to get in a rather nasty car wreck? Lets just say that the pieces fly EVERYWHERE. Which can lead to some pretty entertaining questions to the officers that attend the wreck. These girls were special, ok?
Anyway, the guys settled with the 'man-polish' for their fingers because they just couldn't bring themselves to decide on a color. I can't remember the colors Katie and I chose, but it wasn't really important. After our hands were all nice and man/polished, we moved to the pedicure chairs. These are the big, padded massage chairs, so this was definitly an improvement. As we're all sitting there, my mom decides to text me:
What're you up to? she said.
Getting manis and pedis with Katie, Tanner and Ditty (which is how I was first introduced to Ryan), I replied.
What the heck is a ditty? my mom asked.
We all busted up laughing after I relaid this message to the beginings of our family. I don't remember the colors Katie and I got on our toes either. I just remembered that Tanner's toes ended up either a deepish pink or a lightish red - which I'm pretty sure is the same thing, but you know. And that Ryan couldn't decide between more manpolish or a design. Our wonderful beauty school girl, Jenna - I think her name was, talked him into painting his toes solid white. Since that was a rather boring option, she also suggested that he let her paint black dots to resemble the sides of die. So he did.
We came away from this experience, a lot more scared then we ever thought we'd be, and deffinitly - especially the boys - a lot more painted than we'd been in our entire lives.

Moments Like These