"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you." - Christion Morgenstern
"There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them." -J.K. Rowling

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Dirty Little Freaks . . .

So, today is Lehi's Sweethearts, and since Ryan has a crazed fan club of girls following him around, he got asked. (For the record, Paige Anthony - his date - is not a member of said crazed fan club. We all actually like her and thank her for asking Ryan before one of the crazies did. Ali, if you ever end up reading this, we don't think you're a crazy either - the crazies just have to be acknowledged.) This meant that Katie, Tanner, and I were Ryan-less, which, yet again, means we're not to have any kind of comic relief, right? W - R - O - N - G!!!!
Katie had to run up to University Mall - home of Game People Play, provider of the Killer Bunnies - and get chocolates for a Valentine's date that will be discussed no longer. Anyway, we procured the chocolates and Katie suggested her downfall.
"We should all split a large Coldstone."
I had no money, but liked the idea.
"I like that idea, but I have no money," was my apt reply.
"Okay," said Tanner, happy to have something to do.
"I'll get a large and you can share with me," Katie said to me.
"Okay," I said.
I began to lead the way, and only five steps later Katie had a small(ish) panic attack.
"Never mind, lets not, its way too many calories," she said.
Tanner and I shared look, and I began hatching my own maniacal plan.
"Come on, Kate," I said, "you haven't eaten anything in three days. This is not the time to start counting calories."
"Just because I haven't eaten anything in three days," Katie started, "doesn't mean I should eat a two million calorie ice cream."
"Um, yeah, it does," she replied and then followed it with something medically based.
"No matter what kind of calorie it is, you have some room for fun," I said. "You haven't eaten anything in three days."
"I had a burrito," she said. "That makes up for everything I missed."
"It SO does not," I said.
I continued on to the ice cream shop and Katie started to walk the other way. Tanner grabbed her shoulders and turned her around.
"We're not going," Katie said.
"Yeah, we are," I said walking into the store.
As usual, the store smelled FANTASTIC - and to go along with the divine smells, there were these banners hanging from the ceiling advertising this new Coldstone special: ice cream ON a brownie. These people are GENIUS, believe you me. I turned to Katie and pointed.
"You should get that."
"Does the word 'calorie' mean anything to you?" she asked.
"Sounds like a seven letter word to me," I said, seeing that she wouldn't be convinced.
I turned to Tanner and pointed without words.
"But that one has chocolate," he said.
"That one's got chocolate AND carmel," I said pointing again.
"Ooooooooo," Tanner said as Katie walked up to the counter and ordered.
As soon as there was another employee available, Tanner and I stepped up so he could order and I heard Katie dig her self deeper into the hole of mockery Tanner and I had already stared burying her in.
"Do you know how many calories are in that?" she asked her helper as she pointed to her LARGE serving of ice cream that he was mixing.
He said something I couldn't hear and Katie went white.
"That isn't usually a question you ask in one of these kind of shops," I reminded her politely.
She glared and followed the employee to the cash register. He handed her the bowl, which, conveniently enough for me, had two spoons in it, and rang her up. I turned around and Tanner was receiving his brownie special, which also happened to have two spoons in it.
Life is good for the middle man, let me tell you.
We walked back to the parking lot as we ate, and I decided to implement the second stage of my maniacal plan.
"Kate, I can't believe you're eating that," I said, smiling devilishly. "Think of the calorie count per SPOONFUL."
Her shoulders sagged and sprang back up - a quick little re bounder our Plotter is - and, thankfully, Tanner caught on.
"Oh yeah, you are gonna get so fat eating that," he said.
She glared at me until I took the bowl from her and ate a couple of bites. Somehow, she ended up holding it again, so the mockery continued.
"How many calories have you eaten today?" Tanner asked, sarcastic concern dripping off of every syllable.
"How many did the guy say was in that thing?" I asked. "You probably passed your limit about ten spoonfuls ago."
I would like to take this opportunity to point out the fact that this entire conversation was COMPLETELY sarcastic . . . from Tanner and I's end.
Katie glared over the top of my mom's car, and I laughed and got in. As soon as she was in, she forced me to take the bowl. Mission complete - the ice cream was mine. I turned on the car and P!nk's So What? resumed blasting through the speakers, and the idea hit me.
"Tanner, play Raise Your Glass next," I said as we pulled out of the parking lot.
The beginning came and went and then we came to the chorus:
So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways.
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass.
I made eye contact with Tanner in the review mirror and lifted my ice cream, as if to toast him.
"That's us Tanner," I said. "The dirty little freaks."
He reached forward and high-fived me as Katie rolled her eyes.
"You guys are horrible," she muttered.
Moments Like These

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