"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you." - Christion Morgenstern
"There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them." -J.K. Rowling

Saturday, December 4, 2010

I'm Not Going Anywhere

I don't know if it was here on this blog or in another unnamed place, but I've been quoted as saying 'good things don't last forever.' That is really the reason I started this blog, because I don't know how long this family will last but I always want to remember the insanity. I always want to be able to look back on this and laugh as I can hear Tanner screaming "YOU WHORE!" Ryan and his straight forward personality, and Katie with her plotting smile.
If you haven't been following us from the beginning, you might want to look back at the beginning because 1) the rest of our stories will make a lot more sense and 2) you'll notice that the first couple of posts (besides the one were I introduce everyone) feature Katie and I alone. I am, in no way, discrediting the guys, but I owe Katie for pretty much every happiness in my life. She was one of the first people I knew, without a doubt, I could always trust. Though this isn't the only thing she has done, it is the most important because her influence has allowed me to put more of myself into my life. Because I've had her to fall back on, I've, obviously, been able to enjoy myself more. I've been able to go about my usual activities without worrying about what other people think because she wouldn't care.
I'm not saying that Katie and I are falling apart, and I'm definitely not saying that I'm planning on it. I'm just trying to get across the point that situations and circumstances change. There are things we're all going to have to adapt to and things that will happen that might tear us apart. I like to look at it like the relationship Galinda and Elphaba have in the Broadway Classic Wicked. Two completely different people, thrown together in unpredictable circumstances, that became the best of friends - changing the other's life for the better.
There was a time, this past summer, that my dad was offered a totally legit job. He'd be able to do what he loved, but he'd be permanently stationed, so he could be home A LOT more than he is now. The catch? Home would have been down in Florida. After the summer I'd had, the one you have all read about, I couldn't imagine just leaving. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that these moments might be the last I had with the people I loved more than anything in the world. It was so hard for me to accept, that it was a good month of family confusion before any of these guys found out it was a possibility. I'll admit, I kept it from them until there was actually legitimate cause to worry. The reactions were just as I'd thought they would be - and it killed me to watch them happen. I was going to miss them all so much more than I could ever even try to put into words, but there was an even deeper fear for losing the relationship I had with Katie.
When I get stressed like that, I write. I actually think that is another reason I started this blog. Either way, this situation obviously had me stressed out, and one of the more recent writing projects I'd tried was listening to a song and writing it's story. Like I'd said before, Katie and I's relationship reminded me of the friendship Galinda and Elphaba had. I sat back and looked at where I'd been and where I was now and their duet For Good depicted the exact emotions I was feeling. I knew, then, that our time might be slowly dwindling to a close but that there was no way I'd ever be able to forget it. She was and IS so much a part of me that I wouldn't have been able to if I wanted to. This is the result I got.
For Good
Katie grabbed my phone from my hand for the fifth time since she'd come to my house ten minutes ago. Frantically pressing buttons - I didn't ask what she was doing.
"Kate," I exhaled. "I've been texting and calling you for years. I have your number."
"I know," she sighed, handing my phone back.
I studied her face - her usually red skin was white, her confident blue eyes panicked.
"Katie, it'll be fine, I promise," I said, suddenly fighting my own tears. I took a deep breath to try and control myself. "I can't replace you. Even if I wanted to - it'd be impossible."
"Why are you moving?" she whispered.
"Because my dad got a job, remember? I don't want to go across the U.S.," I said. "You know I'm not going to be able to survive without the guys, let alone you."
"What will I do without my Paigey?"
"We can't fall apart, Kate. We've been through way too much for that," I said, chucking.
A watery laugh escaped, and I knew she was thinking about the times we'd been up past four in the morning having conversations deeper than our ages, the plays we'd suffered over, the secrets we'd shared - things that only we knew, not to mention the hot chocolate stains she'd left on the roof of my car. The tears welled up in my eyes yet again; I forced them back. I raked my brain for something to say - some way to express what she meant to me.
"Katie, you're my best friend. You can't imagine the influence you've been. You'll be with me. I'm not going to have to share you with everyone - you're a hand print on my heart."
A tear rolled down my cheek. I cursed myself.
She pulled me into a hug, "I love you, Paige. You've been all that and more for me. I'll beg my mom not to kill you for leaving me in this state."
"Well, she'd come to Florida, but you know she loves me too much."
"Are we ever going to see each other again?" she asked.
"I don't know. Katie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ever hurt or offended you in anyway. I know I didn't mean to."
"Don't Paige, it goes both ways."
Standing there, staring at her, I couldn't honestly think of anything she'd ever done.
"Paige," my dad called. "Let's go."
I pulled Katie into a huge hug - trying to squeeze all of the thanks and pure emotion that I felt into her - I knew it would be the last chance I got.
"I love you, Katie," I whispered.
"I love you. For always."
I broke the embrace, and saw the tears falling, silently down her face. My eyes overflowed. I embraced her again, holding tightly to everything I couldn't lose.
"Paige, now," my mom said.
"Goodbye, Kate."
I pulled away and turned to the car, making sure I couldn't see her face - I knew I'd never be able to make myself leave if I did. In the car, I threw myself into the backseat - buckled myself in. Only then, I looked to see Katie's face. I pressed my hand - signing 'I love you' - against the window, finally letting the tears fall freely. She returned the gesture and my dad pulled away.
**DISCLAIMER** This didn't actually happen. It was just my idea of what would've happened had I been forced to relocate myself across the USA.

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