Dirty Little Freaks . . .

So, today is Lehi's Sweethearts, and since Ryan has a crazed fan club of girls following him around, he got asked. (For the record, Paige Anthony - his date - is not a member of said crazed fan club. We all actually like her and thank her for asking Ryan before one of the crazies did. Ali, if you ever end up reading this, we don't think you're a crazy either - the crazies just have to be acknowledged.) This meant that Katie, Tanner, and I were Ryan-less, which, yet again, means we're not to have any kind of comic relief, right? W - R - O - N - G!!!!
Katie had to run up to University Mall - home of Game People Play, provider of the Killer Bunnies - and get chocolates for a Valentine's date that will be discussed no longer. Anyway, we procured the chocolates and Katie suggested her downfall.
"We should all split a large Coldstone."
I had no money, but liked the idea.
"I like that idea, but I have no money," was my apt reply.
"Okay," said Tanner, happy to have something to do.
"I'll get a large and you can share with me," Katie said to me.
"Okay," I said.
I began to lead the way, and only five steps later Katie had a small(ish) panic attack.
"Never mind, lets not, its way too many calories," she said.
Tanner and I shared look, and I began hatching my own maniacal plan.
"Come on, Kate," I said, "you haven't eaten anything in three days. This is not the time to start counting calories."
"Just because I haven't eaten anything in three days," Katie started, "doesn't mean I should eat a two million calorie ice cream."
"Um, yeah, it does," she replied and then followed it with something medically based.
"No matter what kind of calorie it is, you have some room for fun," I said. "You haven't eaten anything in three days."
"I had a burrito," she said. "That makes up for everything I missed."
"It SO does not," I said.
I continued on to the ice cream shop and Katie started to walk the other way. Tanner grabbed her shoulders and turned her around.
"We're not going," Katie said.
"Yeah, we are," I said walking into the store.

As usual, the store smelled FANTASTIC - and to go along with the divine smells, there were these banners hanging from the ceiling advertising this new Coldstone special: ice cream ON a brownie. These people are GENIUS, believe you me. I turned to Katie and pointed.

"You should get that."

"Does the word 'calorie' mean anything to you?" she asked.

"Sounds like a seven letter word to me," I said, seeing that she wouldn't be convinced.

I turned to Tanner and pointed without words.

"But that one has chocolate," he said.

"That one's got chocolate AND carmel," I said pointing again.

"Ooooooooo," Tanner said as Katie walked up to the counter and ordered.

As soon as there was another employee available, Tanner and I stepped up so he could order and I heard Katie dig her self deeper into the hole of mockery Tanner and I had already stared burying her in.

"Do you know how many calories are in that?" she asked her helper as she pointed to her LARGE serving of ice cream that he was mixing.

He said something I couldn't hear and Katie went white.

"That isn't usually a question you ask in one of these kind of shops," I reminded her politely.

She glared and followed the employee to the cash register. He handed her the bowl, which, conveniently enough for me, had two spoons in it, and rang her up. I turned around and Tanner was receiving his brownie special, which also happened to have two spoons in it.

Life is good for the middle man, let me tell you.

We walked back to the parking lot as we ate, and I decided to implement the second stage of my maniacal plan.

"Kate, I can't believe you're eating that," I said, smiling devilishly. "Think of the calorie count per SPOONFUL."

Her shoulders sagged and sprang back up - a quick little re bounder our Plotter is - and, thankfully, Tanner caught on.

"Oh yeah, you are gonna get so fat eating that," he said.

She glared at me until I took the bowl from her and ate a couple of bites. Somehow, she ended up holding it again, so the mockery continued.

"How many calories have you eaten today?" Tanner asked, sarcastic concern dripping off of every syllable.

"How many did the guy say was in that thing?" I asked. "You probably passed your limit about ten spoonfuls ago."

I would like to take this opportunity to point out the fact that this entire conversation was COMPLETELY sarcastic . . . from Tanner and I's end.

Katie glared over the top of my mom's car, and I laughed and got in. As soon as she was in, she forced me to take the bowl. Mission complete - the ice cream was mine. I turned on the car and P!nk's So What? resumed blasting through the speakers, and the idea hit me.

"Tanner, play Raise Your Glass next," I said as we pulled out of the parking lot.

The beginning came and went and then we came to the chorus:

So raise your glass if you are wrong,

In all the right ways.

All my underdogs,

We will never be never be anything but loud

And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks

Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,

Just come on and come on and raise your glass.

I made eye contact with Tanner in the review mirror and lifted my ice cream, as if to toast him.

"That's us Tanner," I said. "The dirty little freaks."

He reached forward and high-fived me as Katie rolled her eyes.

"You guys are horrible," she muttered.

Moments Like These

To The Canadian

To the Canadian who has viewed this blog 17 times, I thank you.

Love,
Tanner- The Voice of Reason

What Happens When Paige Is In A Car. . .

Today, I had to go shopping because our family has great cause to celebrate, and it's almost Valentine's Day (Tanner's birthday). Anyway, Katie was working at her new job at Costa Vida - the Mexican burrito - and Tanner couldn't come because I was going to get his birthday present and that would just ruin the surprise. . .duh. Obviously, Ryan was my choice companion for this excursion.
The weather today was BEAUTIFUL!! It was snowing so hard you couldn't see the road from the front door of your house. The wind was seriously hurricane force, whipping the weightless snowflakes in every which direction - creating some of the most beautiful images. SO SUE ME, I like the snow, okay? The only problem is that my poor little Denton - the Car - would have been blown off the road. So I talked my mom into letting me borrow my dad's SUV. It's big, powerful, and has a most excellent sound system.
The only downside to this car is that my dad self designed it, so it's got ever accessory known to man - except the alcohol fridge. Every accessory is operated by a button - so the dashboard is about as wide as Denton - the Car - and I can honestly tell you I only know what about half of them do. Ryan, being much much more knowledgeable about cars than I am - not that THAT'S hard - loves it. On our way to Wal*Mart, he started pushing buttons and trying to figure out what it did.
Well, he decided to press this button that sent a resounding beep throughout the car. Okay, so it probably wasn't all that loud, but when the unexpected beep - usually the sign that something is wrong with the car - rang through the car, I freaked out. Of course, Ryan knows that - even if we are in my DAD'S car - nothing is wrong, so he found my reaction rather funny. His characteristic laugh ripped through his lips, as I sat in the drivers seat hyperventilating.
"HAHA, don't worry, Paige," he said. "I just turned off the stability."
Oh. That makes sense. . . NOT.
"Ry, we are in my dad's car," I said.
He just laughed harder and hit the same button again. My reaction must have been hilarious though because a minute or two later he pushes the button again, getting the same reaction.
This post just goes to show that even if we know all of the ways we know to 'push each other's buttons,' we can still be the amazing friends that we are.

Moments Like These

We were strangers, starting out on a journey. . .

As you have all seen, our family has had a lot of really crazy adventures. We've had our ups and downs, and we've all become new people because of them. No one will deny it. I was thinking about this the other day and realized - our very first adventure never made it up here.
We were all strangers - I'd known Tanner for at least a decade, Katie for a good three years. Katie had made this new friend at the Megaplex - The Workplace. His name, she'd told me, was Ryan Ditty. What an odd name, right? No offense, Ry, but it was true at the time.
Katie had wanted to go and get manicures and pedicures for the longest time, so naturally, I got dragged into it - and since Katie and Tanner had just recently become friends, I invited Tanner. Katie thought it'd be great to invite this new Ryan kid - she thought we'd get along for some strange reason. Thank heaven I went along with it.
So, we all ended up at the beauty school at the MATC building. Yes, our two amazing boys came with us. We were introduced to the amazing - in the nicest way possible - airheaded students of beauty. As we got our fingernails filed down we were treated to the most entertaining stories of how they all met, where we work, and their horror stories of car crashes.
I'll only relay the basics of the car crash stories because they were pretty classic. They're beauty school students, so they work on people, right? Question for the general public - a.k.a. those who read this blog - what do they practice on? That's right, manakin pieces. Pieces here meaining, fingers, toes, and heads. Now what happens when your car is contantly loaded with these human body parts, and you happen to get in a rather nasty car wreck? Lets just say that the pieces fly EVERYWHERE. Which can lead to some pretty entertaining questions to the officers that attend the wreck. These girls were special, ok?
Anyway, the guys settled with the 'man-polish' for their fingers because they just couldn't bring themselves to decide on a color. I can't remember the colors Katie and I chose, but it wasn't really important. After our hands were all nice and man/polished, we moved to the pedicure chairs. These are the big, padded massage chairs, so this was definitly an improvement. As we're all sitting there, my mom decides to text me:
What're you up to? she said.
Getting manis and pedis with Katie, Tanner and Ditty (which is how I was first introduced to Ryan), I replied.
What the heck is a ditty? my mom asked.
We all busted up laughing after I relaid this message to the beginings of our family. I don't remember the colors Katie and I got on our toes either. I just remembered that Tanner's toes ended up either a deepish pink or a lightish red - which I'm pretty sure is the same thing, but you know. And that Ryan couldn't decide between more manpolish or a design. Our wonderful beauty school girl, Jenna - I think her name was, talked him into painting his toes solid white. Since that was a rather boring option, she also suggested that he let her paint black dots to resemble the sides of die. So he did.

We came away from this experience, a lot more scared then we ever thought we'd be, and deffinitly - especially the boys - a lot more painted than we'd been in our entire lives.

Moments Like These

Every Family Has Their Issues. . .

"'Friend' is such a complicated word. It can mean anything from acquaintance to sibling. They're the people you know you can count on no matter what you've done. They love you for who you are - inside and out. They know everything about you - all of your faults, dark secrets, your deepest desires, and your most admirable traits. When separated, they're all you can think about. Anyone else you know feels like they know them because they're all you can talk about. You're so comfortable when you're with them that, sometimes, it's the only time you can fall asleep. They've redefined the way you live your life - you can't remember how it used to be because you could swear you never really lived before them. People ask what you've been up to since you last met and you can only laugh as you remember the latest harebrained adventure. Tears flood your eyes when you realize that they're the only ones that really understand you. And you know, without a doubt, that they aren't going anywhere. You know that, unlike everyone else in your life, they will never order you away because you complete them as much as they complete you. They're the people you go to when the world has become too complicated, because with them everything is simple. You have your own dialect that only they understand - even if every word is English. They look into your eyes and see what no one else can see. They know when you need a ray of sunshine or how to hold you as the lightning strikes. They're the only ones who know how to pick up the pieces when your world has crumbled. The pain they inflict - though more exquisite than any you'll ever feel - is beautiful because it only brings you closer. When you find someone that fulfills this definition don't ever let them go, because people like these are few and far between."
The question is, how to you keep from losing them. This little family is just that - a family. It would be naive to expect us to be all fine and dandy all the time. No family in the history of this entire world can say that. No two people can - let alone the four of us. It is one of the only things you can count on as a human being. Now, I am, in no way, implying that you should be expecting every little detail to be a problem. You've got to live your life like every day is your last, how else do you expect to get anything done? It is just something you can't let throw you off, or the shock of it will take you over.
I don't need to go into detail about said problems. No one really needs to know - heck, I'm not sure that the four of us have the same story for all present issues. The only thing I'm trying to say is what ever stupid decisions we have or haven't made, how ever justified we felt, whatever we've said and/or done - of all of the people in the world there is no one more important than your family. Things happen. Period. Your life, thoughts, actions, relationships, EVERY LITTLE DETAIL is up to you. You can't let others dictate that for you. People - myself and everyone I love included in this - ARE STUPID. Miscommunications lead to actions which lead to hurt feelings which lead to fights that destroy people.
I am tired of implications ruining everything that makes my life worth living. I am actually going to stand back and let this one take its course, hereby relinquishing my title as the 'know-it-all-problem-solver.' Any questions asked of me will be answered in pure honesty - it is up to you to ask the questions and take my answers. I'll take the pain I know expressions might cause because it will only bring us closer. Balance won't be found unless you make a physical effort to find it. I'm not angry - just opinionated. The three people I share this blog with fulfil my definition of friend better than I think they know - I just hope they can say the same for me.

Express.....not so much.

You know guys...I just realized something.
I actually kind of hate express. I guess it was just
because I've only been in there once or twice, and have
never actually bought a ton of clothes from there, but yeah. Not
such a big fan anymore.

"My mom wants to know if you'll take an IOU?"

As Ryan -The Comic Relief- said in his blog post, planned days are the only time he and I can ever hang out. Ryan and myself have not hung out in a really long time, and the list of stuff we wanted to do just kept getting longer and longer. So finally, we decided that we would just make a day that we could hang out, so we decided on last week.

About two weeks ago, Ryan and myself were talking about the possibility of me meeting one of Ryan's best friend, Mandy. Ryan has not seen her for a couple years (I think... I may be wrong), and I know he misses her like crazy. So I told him that I would be willing to drive him to Brigham City to see her. We had our minds set on Tuesday the 28th, and we both got that day off work.

The day before our little adventure up north, I texted Ryan to make sure everything was still going according to plan. Ryan replied informing me that there was a scheduling conflict, and Mandy was not able to make time to meet us. I was disappointed because I have heard so much about Mandy, and she seems like a really awesome girl, so I wanted to meet her. But, despite the fact that our original plan failed, I was still determined to hang out with him.

So the next day I showed up at Ryan's house somewhere around noon, and I showed him a really awesome shirt from Express -The "Ryan's Hell"- that Katie had bought for me. (To give a little history, Ryan loves Express, but he won't let himself buy stuff from there because that store is super expensive.) Express was having a sale on their shirts, and they were only $20 instead of the normal $60. Ryan didn't believe me, so he went onto their website, and sure enough, they were having a sale on their shirts. After debating with himself (which is always fun to watch), Ryan finally decided to go to Express with me to buy some clothes.

Almost two hours later, Ryan and I ended up at the South Towne Mall and went straight for Express. (Yeah, that's right, Ryan Ditty was inside of Express.) We both spent some time looking at different shirts and everything. I found a couple shirts I wanted to try on, so I went into the changing rooms. I asked an employee (who, by the way, had a very peculiar lisp) if he could let me in and he opened a door for me. "So, what's your name?" he asked me.

"Tanner," I responded.

"Hi, Tanner. I'm Tim, just let me know if you need anything, honey."

I closed the door in shock, instantly I sent a text to Ryan: "So, the MALE employee over here just called me honey."

"You are such a homo magnet," Ryan replied. I laughed out loud for a couple minutes, and tried on the shirts I had. After deciding on the purple shirt (yes, I said purple), I walked out to find Ryan staring at a pair of pants. "These are one hundred dollars!" he said to me as I walked up next to him.

"You know you want to get them, Ryan. They'll look so good on you," I said, provoking him.

"You are a bad influence," Ryan muttered as he walked away from the pants, disappointed. We shopped around for a little bit longer, Ryan decided on a shirt, and we stepped up to the cash register. "Wow," Ryan said, "I didn't think I would ever walk out of this place only spending twenty one bucks." I just laughed because I could tell there were about two hundred dollars worth of other things he wanted.

We walked around the mall, looking for Banana Republic (Ryan gets a discount there through his older brother), but there wasn't one in that mall, so we decided to drive up to Fashion Place Mall. After driving up to Fashion Place, we got bored and got on the freeway heading home. However, I accidentally got on the wrong side of the road, and ended up going the totally opposite direction of where we wanted to go. So the idea poped into my mind, "Well, we could always see your cousin." Ryan was hesitant because of the long driving distance, to which I just looked at him. "Oh, that's right, Tanner, you like driving." Ryan called Ethan (his cousin) and asked Ethan what he was up to. "Oh, well call me back when you're finished," I heard Ryan say as he hung up. "Ethan's cleaning his car, and he has no plans for the night. Let's go up and surprise him," he said to me.

"Okay," I said (excitedly, of course). I then stepped on the gas and continued my way up to Farmington. After fifteen minutes, we arrived at our exit, and Ryan pointed me in the direction towards Ethan's house. After being lost for a few minutes, we finally arrived at our point of destination, just to discover that Ethan was gone. So Ryan called Ethan "Where are you?" Ryan was being totally casual, and told Ethan to call him when he got home. Then Ryan started getting really defensive (I then knew that Ethan was guessing Ryan was up there) and guilted Ethan into believing that Ryan just wanted to talk.

After driving around a little bit waiting, Ryan finally got a call from Ethan. Ryan then hung up after talking for two seconds, "He already knows we're here." So we showed up at Ethan's house and kidnapped him to Starbucks (where else would we go?). While Ryan forced Starbucks at Ethan, Ethan texted him mom informing her that he had been kidnapped. His mom answered asking what the ransom would be, to which Ryan replied that it had to be hazelnut chocolate. Then, Ethan texted some girls who were in love with Ryan. After a twenty minute long debate, Ethan convinced me to drive them both to some crazy girl's house (I don't remember her name, let's call her Mary).

We showed up to Mary's house, and Mary also had a friend (...Sarah? Yeah, let's go with that) Sarah over (another girl desperate for Ryan's love). We stood in the freezing cold outside world, and then Ethan got a phone call from his mom. "Yeah, I'm just at Mary's house," then he turned to Ryan, "My mom wants to know if you'll take an 'I-Owe-You'?"

"NO! I want my chocolate now!" Ryan demanded. We just laughed as Ethan ran off to finish talking to his mom. Then Sarah got a phone call from her friend, and she ran off leaving Ryan and myself alone. "We need to get away from here," Ryan whispered to me. I just laughed, and texted Lizzie Ostler (my fiancé), and sent "Lizzie, call me right now and yell at me for not showing up on our date."

Right as I hit send everyone was back together standing in the most awkward conversation I have ever seen. Not too long later, my phone rang. "OH CRAP!" I yelled, "I forgot about Lizzie!"

"Really? Well, we've got to go, Tanner forgot about his date with his girlfriend," Ryan informed Mary and Sarah, and we were off. Ryan, Ethan, and myself just laughed as we drove off and explained to Lizzie why I asked her to yell at me.

After that we took Ethan home, and headed to our house again to meet up with Katie. Overall, it was a pretty fun and exciting night.